Patsycat Cafe
Sunday, January 02, 2005
  God's Waiting Room
Ah, the soon to be dead can be such fun.

Ya know, when I'm about ready to die, I think I'll spend my days eating ice cream, sipping a smoky scotch during my full body ben-gay rub down and focusing all my energies on my next bowel movement.

The little children will come to me and say: "Miss Patsycat, what was it like in your day?"

And I'll respond: "Awell, youngins t'waint 'tas smarts as des ah used ta be..." (yes, I think I'll be a lot like Cycile Tyson after the Miles Davis years when the role of "Miss Jane Putman" looked pretty darned good since he was on the smack and all.)

And I'll babble on and on about the DOS computer, Pong, SUV's that ran on GASOLINE, not like that fancy 'lectricity they got now...and a bottle of wine could be bought for under $20.

Yes, yes, I'll nurture the young.

Not like these fuckers in Boca. Man they are filled with piss and vinegar and you can't tell them they can't eat that damned food before they pay for it, who the hell do I think I am?

So I decided to write God a little letter:

Dear God,

I really appreciate all that you've been doing, and thanks for the shiny ring for Christmas and all. I know you're really great, I've read a bunch of books about you, and we've talked an awful lot in private. I want to thank you for your continued support throughout my life and all the days.

But imagine my disappointment when I met one of your creations today. He was bitter, full of rage and spitting nasty remarks to me. Know I know you pride yourself on being the best "God" of the Universe and all, so Imagine how surprised I was at this encounter.

Also God, I've noticed the quality of your "representatives" is really sinking. Now, I'm not one to make threats, but I must say, If you don't clean up your "worldly world" then I may have to take my business elsewhere.

I realize that you've had a change in managers over the last 2000 years and you've yet to find a replacement since the last one was literally Nailed To A Cross! So you know how mean these people can be! And I can appreciate the labor pool out there trying to find someone for everybody to listen to. Not an easy task!

Here's a suggestion until you get your next manager into place. All these people that are sitting in your waiting room...hoping for pearly gates...please speed them up. Maybe a number system will get them in faster. It would really help the traffic here in Boca and in other places too.

So as you work out your infrastructure, let me know if you need any help and I'll check in with you and let you know how it's going.

funny stuff, Patsycat, funny stuff.
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I am a real person inspired by a dead cat.

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Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

Who am I? That is not an easy question. To the observer, I am a strong, independent, creative, thriving woman and the more I identify with that, the better...but I think I am more like a fig newton...cookie on the outside, fruity on the inside.

03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 / 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 / 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 /

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